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Report on Friends Forever?
Smart girls decide for themselves™.
In this survey, we asked SmartGirls to tell us about their relationships with their Best Friend. From the feedback on the survey, we realized that this survey failed to address one very important thing: some SmartGirls have more than one best friend!
Despite this oversight, we still managed to get some very interesting results! To know just how interesting the results are, we asked SmartGirls to tell us a little about themselves so we would know where the answers were coming from.
329 SmartGirls took this survey! Of those, 323 were girls, and 6 were boys. The rest chose not to respond. Over 1/3 of them were oldest children. Half of all the survey respondents were between the ages of 11 and 13.
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| How old are you? |
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| Age is listed along the bottom and increases to the right. The number of responses is listed up the left, and increases as you read higher. The higher the bar, the more responses to this survey from that age group. |
This question was the very first thing we asked. What's the point of finding all about best friends if we don't agree on what best friends are? Luckily, most of you thought of best friends in pretty much the same way: best friends should love you, treat you well, have your back, and be trustworthy. The specifics had some nuance. Read some more examples:
* Someone who truly cares about you and someone who's kind no matter who is or isn't watching. Someone who's loyal, honest, and kind all at the same time.
* The girl/boy that you can trust with secrets, get through hard times with, and love each other no matter what type of stuff you have or if you have braces. Just love each other because you're you.
* We always play together every day. We love the same hobbies and we talk about the same subjects. We are both interested in things we like online.
* Usually a person with whom you have built up something of a "timeline" and feel very comfortable around. This is the person with whom there is no pretending and no facade. With your best friend, you know each other very well, including faults and strong points, but you still want to be friends and forgive each other readily and easily.
* Best friends are people you can count on and trust, boy or girl. They are people you can laugh with and enjoy time with. They will stand up for you and vice versa. They love you forever just like family.
* Someone that can make me smile when I am sad, be there when I need them, and love me as a friend when I'm hurt emotionally, and just be myself around them.
* Nice and my age.
* Someone who shares your passions and values. A person who can cheer you up when you are feeling sad and will be there when you need support or advice.
* A best friend is someone I am comfortable with, someone I can and do trust, someone I can love unconditionally and who does the same for me. Best friends can criticize each other without getting hurt. Best friends can stand on their own, they don't depend on each other, but they know they will be there for each other when they can be.
* A person who is going to be there for you no matter what happens. They will always support you in anything you do. They are not shy around you. They actually care about what you are telling them. Pretty much, a best friend is a person who cares about you.
* They're the people who make even the most ordinary and boring things extraordinary.
* Best friends stick up for you and don't lie to you. They are kind to you and make you laugh.
* A best friend is someone who will listen to you cry for hours about something really stupid and still love you.
* People who listen to each other and push each other slightly out of their comfort zones without hurting them. They don't tell you what to do as much as they empathize with you. They give you their take on situations without trying to hurt your feelings. Best friends don't last forever; we all grow apart from each other sometimes, but you can always count on them to help you out when you really need it. They may make fun of you occasionally, but mostly in a positive way, like teasing... but they'll always be there for you when you're going through hard times.
* A person who you are comfortable around without having to say anything. There are no awkward silences.
* You can trust them and be yourself and they won't judge you because they love you the way you are. They won't hurt you on purpose. They could pretty much be your family.
* Someone who you can have a laugh and a conversation with. Someone who you can trust wholeheartedly with your secrets and fears. Someone who you can rely on and expect them to respect your opinions, beliefs, and decisions, even if they disagree.
* Best friends are people who love you no matter what mood you're in and can help make you feel better. You can trust each ohter with everything and never get bored together.
* Two friends who are perfect for each other, like a marriage. They will never turn on you or try to find someone "new" or "better." They stay true to each other.
* People in your life that give you some sort of satisfaction, whether it be a person you can talk to, a person you can help, or someone that makes you feel needed and useful.
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Now that we know how you define best friends, we want to know the NUMBERS! How many best friends have you had, and how many do you have now?
Looking at the bar graph below, you can see that the second most common answer after "more than 10" was "4," followed by "3," then "2," then "5." Only 2 out of 25 said that they have only had one best friend in their whole life. For perspective, that's about 2 per classroom in some schools!
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| How Many Best Friends Have You Had In Your Life? |
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| The height of these bars shows the relative frequency of each response; responses told the number of lifetime best friends. The tallest bars had the most responses, and the lowest bars had the least. The numbers along the bottom are possible answers. |
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Why was "more than 10" such a popular response? We think it has something to do with this: 75% of SmartGirls say that they have more than one best friend right now! If you are best friends with a whole group of people, then it makes sense that you could have so many.
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| Do you have more than one best friend right now? |
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| The largest "pie slice" has the most responses. Compare these two categories and compare the relative sizes to see the percentage of responses that chose each category. |
We were happy to see that lots of SmartGirls have best friends that have stuck around for more than 10 years. For some of you, that's practically your whole life. Maybe your best friend is a sibling, or maybe it's someone who was a family friend. No matter what, that's awesome!
After that, the most common length of time that people have been best friends is 5 years. Maybe these best friends are school chums, people they didn't meet until they shared a class together.
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| What's the longest amount of time that one person has remained your best friend? |
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| Look along the bottom of the graph to see the different categories that were offered. The heigh of each bar indicates how many people chose which category. Taller bars mean more people chose it, while lower bars means fewer people chose it. |
At the same time, we wanted to know what the SHORTEST time someone has been your best friend is. The most common answer was "one academic year," followed closely by "months."
It's clear that friends are not always forever. But people grow up, change, and get different interests... that's just life.
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| What's the shortest amount of time that one person has remained your best friend? |
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| You can see the approximate number of responses for each category by matching the height of the bar to the numbers up the left. For example, the "day" category had about 15 responses. |
Why mourn over things that are long gone? Forget about shortest friendships and friendships that don't exist anymore. We asked SmartGirls to tell us how long they've best friends with their BFF right now!
Most of you said that you've been BFFs with your current BFF for more than 10 years. It makes sense that if you've been friends that long, you probably know how to work the relationship by now. What could possibly come between you?
The next most popular response was 2 years, followed by 5 years. That's a long time, too!
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| How long have you been best friends with your current best friend? |
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| Higher bars indicate more responses, and lower bars indicate fewer responses. |
We wanted to get more specific. Asking about best friends in general is all well and good, but if we really want to learn anything, we want details!
First, we were curious whether SmartGirls tended to have best friends of the same gender. The OVERWHELMING majority of SmartGirls said "yes!" Why do you think it is that SmartGirls prefer to have best friends who are the same gender?
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| Is your current best friend the same gender as you? |
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| The larger pie slice indicates the most responses. Compare the sizes of the different slices. If one slice is A LOT bigger than the other, that means A LOT more people chose that category. |
We were also curious how your best friends treated you in your relationship. So many of you said that trust and kindness were the most important things between best friends. Is that true?
We found that for 83% of SmartGirls, the balance of power in the friendship is equal. That means that you're both taking each other's needs into consideration and compromising. I'm glad that you've all got best friends that live up to your definition in this area!
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| What is the balance of power in your relationship with your best friend? |
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| You could choose either "equal," "we usually do what I want to do," and "we usually do what my best friend wants to do." When one bar is A LOT bigger than the others, that means A LOT more people chose that category. |
But it's one thing to say that you have a balance of power, and another to see how it is expressed. There are bound to be disagreemenst in a friendship, even if you are best friends. So how do SmartGirls work it out?
We found that most SmartGirls sit around and talk about what they want to do until they finally agree on something. Sounds healthy! Others agree to take turns, doing what one person wants one time, and what the other person wants the next. That sounds adventurous!
Quite a few of you say that you fight until someone gives in. That sounds exciting, but it also seems like people's feelings could get hurt! More than that, SmartGirls seem to have their own way of making decisions that didn't fit into any of our categories.
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| When you and your best friend disagree on something, how do you work it out? |
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| *We play rock/paper/scissors, throw dice, or something random to decide (random) *We don't pick until we both agree on it (agree) *We take turns (taketurns) *We fight until someone gives up and gives in (fight) *We ask someone else what to do (advice) |
Sometimes Best Friends share a lot of things: some share clothes, some share books, some share toys or other things. When you have so many common interests, might boys be one of them?
We asked. Almost half of all SmartGirls said that yes, sometimes they do like the same person as their best friend. However, more SmartGirls say that they don't like the same people as their best friend than those who say they always like the same people.
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| Do you and your best friend tend to have crushes on the same people? |
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| Larger pie slices had more responses, and smaller pie slices had fewer responses. |
Based on the answers to the previous question, it's not unheard of for a girl to have a crush on her best friend's ex. So what should a good best friend do in this situation?
We put the question to our SmartGirls, and here's what they had to say about whether or not you should ask permission to date a best friend's ex:
* It depends on how long they dated.
* Depends on how recently they dated.
* You should NEVER go out with your BF's ex, that's disrespectful.
* It depends on whether they're over him or not.
* Consider their feelings and talk to them about it, and let that guide your decision, but you don't need permission.
* Usually you shouldn't date someone that your best friend used to go out with, but if it does happen, the best friend should know and should approve. If they're a good friend and it's a good person to date, the best friend should approve!
* It depends on the boy.
* Ask your best friend in a note, but if you do go out with the boy, stay best friends with your best friend so they're not jealous.
* It's my decision, but I would still ask my best friend what they think.
* You shouldn't have to ask permission (she's not the boss), but you should be open about it and talk honestly, and then decide what you want to do from there.
* Yes! Always talk about things! Communication is the key to a healthy and really great friendship.
* Yes, because they might have intentions of going out with that person again. If you don't ask and your best friend has to find out from someone else, it could ruin your friendship.
* If they are over the person, then no, you don't need to ask.
The majority of SmartGirls agree: YES, you should ask your best friend before you go out with an ex. Read the different arguments and see what you think is the right thing to do!
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| Is it necessary to ask your best friend's permission in order to date someone they used to go out with? |
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| Compare the sizes of each pie slice. If one slice is a lot bigger than another, then a lot more people chose that category compare to the other slice. If the slices are about equal, then about the same number of people chose each category. |
One reason why SmartGirls might not have a crush on the same person is because one girl just finds it impossible to think of someone that way. For example... because they're related.
Have you ever had a crush on a best friend's sibling? 1 in 4 SmartGirls say that they have!
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| Have you ever had a crush on a best friend's sibling? |
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| These bar show the percentage of people who chose each category, out of 100%. 75% is equivalent to 3 out of every 4 people. 25% is equivalent to 1 out of every 4 people. |
Finally, we wondered how many best friends fight over love.
We were relieved to see that almost 3 out of 4 SmartGirls say that they never fight with their best friends about romantic relationships and crushes. Interestingly, a small wedge of SmartGirls say they do; that chunk is close in size to the one that says SmartGirls don't have to ask permission to date an ex. If you were doing a SmartCenter investigation, that would be something to look into!
Here are some more things that SmartGirls like you had to say on the subject:
* Yes, but it's about what if he is ugly or cute :)
* Just play fighting.
* It wasn't a fight, just a misunderstanding.
* Never, oh noooo (sarcasm)
* We've argued.
* Never. We wouldn't let a boy get in the way of our friendship.
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| Have you ever gotten in a fight with a best friend over a crush or romantic relationship? |
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| The more of the pie that one slice takes up, the more of the total number of people who took the survey chose that category. |
A lot of SmartGirls said that Best Friends are like family, and maybe they're even closer because you get to pick them. We were curious about this relationship.
One way Best Friends can be like family is how much time you spend together. The most popular response to the question, "How much time do you spend with your best friend?" was "I see my best friend every day!" This was followed closely behind with "I see my best friend every few days."
There were some SmartGirls who said that they only see their Best Friends once a year. It's clear that spending time with each other is important to SmartGirls and their best friends, but it's not the only thing that makes a friend so special!
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| How much time do you and your best friend spend together? |
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| Compare the different heights of each bar. If a bar is taller than another bar, then that category had more responses than the other one. You can see what each height means by drawing a straight line to the left and seeing the approximate number there. |
Families live together, and that's why they see each other every day. How far do Best Friends live from each other compared to often they see each other? That's another question for the SmartCenter!
Almost half of SmartGirls live far enough away from their friends that it takes a car or a bus to get to them. However, another half of SmartGirls can get to their friends on their own, whether by walking to their friend's house or riding a bike. There are a few SmartGirls who live really, really far from their best friends: it would take an airplane to see each other. Congratulations to those girls for keeping it together despite the distance!
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| How far away do you live from your best friend? |
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| Responses could be: *a bike ride away *a short walk away *on the same street *have to take a car *have to fly there by airplane *don't know |
Again, SmartGirls have said that friends are closer than family, sometimes, because you get to choose your friends and not your family. What effect might that have on SmartGirl relationships?
We hypothesized that maybe Best Friends don't fight as often as they do with their families, maybe because they share common interests and have similar personalities, or some other combination of things. Than again, maybe SmartGirls fight more with their families because they know they can get away with it.
We found that it's true; most SmartGirls say that they fight more often with their family than they do with their best friends. SmartGirls are more likely to say that they fight the same amount with everyone or never fight at all than they are to say that they fight more with their friends than with their family.
Why do you think Best Friends fight more with their families than their friends? Be creative and think critically!
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| Do you fight more with your friends or your family? |
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| You could either choose friends, family, both the same, or never fight with anyone. The taller bar indicates the category that got the most responses. |
SmartGirls have said that even Best Friends are perfect to each other. The strength of best friends is being able to get over it and love each other unconditionally even when you fight.
Have you ever done something that hurt a best friend? Has a best friend ever made you cry?
We found that it's pretty even. More SmartGirls said that no, their best friend hasn't made them cry; but it would be interesting to see how long SmartGirls have been best friends with their current friend for this answer. That's a question for the SmartCenter.
Here are just some of the things that SmartGirls have said about crying because of a best friend:
* No. We don't put each other down.
* My best friend has never hurt me before.
* She never did anything.
* No. He actually consoles me if I cry.
* She would never hurt my feelings because we are like sisters to each other.
* She wanted to go out with my boyfriend.
* When she dated my ex boyfriend.
* She likes the same person I like without telling me.
* He hates my boyfriend and tells lies about him to get me to dump him.
* She became so involved with her new boyfriend and ditched me for him.
* Yes, but we're not friends anymore. She hurt me very badly.
* It was an old best friend.
* I wouldn't say it was hurtful. It was more like the sweetest thing I've ever been told!
* She said "I love you"
* She pulled my hair.
* She punched me.
* She put me in a half nelson and wouldn't let me go.
* She said mean things and called me names. Really bad names!
* She is good at name-calling.
* When she says stuff like, "you can be such a brat sometimes."
* She told me I was annoying.
* She lied to me.
* We got into a big fight and we both cried!
* I almost cried when we were fighting.
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| Have you ever cried because of something your best friend said or did to you? |
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| Categories that take up half the entire pie took half the total number of responses. If the category is slightly less than half the pie, then it took slightly less than half the total number of responses. |
Another reason SmartGirls might be best friends with someone is because they have a lot in common. These are the things that you can't force your family to share, so you find it somewhere else: interests.
So, do SmartGirls do the same extracurricular activities as their best friends?
The answer was split almost perfectly evenly between yes and no, with just over 50% saying "yes" and just under 50% saying "no."
We dug a little deeper to see if distance had anything to do with it. You can't very well be on the same soccer team if you live really far away from each other!
What we saw was that people who live on the same street are more likely to be in the same sports and clubs, with 65% saying yes and 35% saying no. Compare that to girls who live far enough away they can only reach each other by airplane. Of those SmartGirls, only 33% say yes and 67% say no.
Distances between those two extremes are split pretty close to half and half.
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| are you in any of the same clubs/sports as your best friend? |
howfar
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street | shortwalk | bike | carbus | airplane | noknow | [row totals] |
sameactivity
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| yes |
65.38% | 46.81% | 55.29% | 46.21% | 33.33% | 60.00% | 50.16% |
| no |
34.62% | 53.19% | 44.71% | 53.79% | 66.67% | 40.00% | 49.84% |
| [column totals] |
8.47% | 15.31% | 27.69% | 43.00% | 3.91% | 1.63% | 100% |
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| Look down each column to see the percentage of SmartGirls who chose the category listed on top. "Yes" is on top, "no" is on bottom. |
Maybe some of you met your best friend though your activity, or maybe not. But would a SmartGirl join an activity that her best friend wasn't considering?
Over 3/4 of you said Yes, and less than 1/4 said no.
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| Would you consider a club/sport if your best friend wouldn't do it with you? |
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| "Yes" takes up 75% of the pie, so that is 3 out of every 4 people who took this survey. "No" takes up about 25% of the pie, so that is 1 out of every 4 people who took this survey. |
Activities aren't the only way to match up with your best friend. Style is also one way that SmartGirls can show that they are alike in some ways. We asked SmartGirls if they have the same opinions about the types of clothes they wear.
Over half of SmartGirls said either that they do dress the same way as their best friend, even sharing clothes and matching sometimes, or at least sharing ideas of what they would both refuse to ever wear; only 1/10th of SmartGirls say they dress completely differently from their Best Friend!
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| Do you dress in the same style as your best friend? |
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| *Yes, we like to match and share *No, we are completely different *Some things we agree on, but we have our own styles. |
When we value the opinion of one person so much, it's possible that that power might be abused. So how do you use your influence with your best friends: for good or for evil? Just kidding, but have you ever felt pressure to do something you didn't want to do?
The most popular response for SmartGirls was that they respect each other's limits. We're really happy to see that! We were also happy to see that the categories of "all the time (lots)" and "I'm the one pressuring my friend" were the least popular categories. Everyone's limits and comfort levels should be respected, and if mistakes are made, apologies are definitely in order!
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| Has your best friend ever pressured you to do something you didn't want to do? |
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| The taller bar indicates that more people chose that response. The lowest bar is the category with the fewest responses. |
Peer pressure doesn't have to be outspoken, though. Sometimes just being around someone can make you feel like doing certain things you would never do on your own. So how about that... just the general influence of your Best Friend?
Most SmartGirls said that you reinforce each other's good habits, and that you're reciprocal good influences. The next most popular response said that while you're not sure about your influence on your friend, your friend definitely helps you be a better person.
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| Is your best friend a good influence on you? |
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| Higher bars show the category (along the bottom) with the most responses, while lower bars show the categories with fewer responses. The exact number of responses can be found by following the height to the left and comparing it to the number markers. |
Worded a different way, we asked SmartGirls if they help their Best Friends get away with "naughty" stuff, or things they technically shouldn't be doing. Now, sometimes rules seem arbitrary and ridiculous, and like they deserve to be broken. Sometimes rebellion is a little darker than that. Without asking about that kind of nuance, this is what we found:
Most SmartGirls have helped their friends get away with stuff, and they would do it again in a heartbeat. Others aren't quite so quick to help without a reason, but they would definitely get their friend's back in a pinch, even if it's a little dishonest.
However, almost as many SmartGirls said they would never help their Best Friend do something that could get him or her into trouble. It's not worth it!
It's up to you to decide what makes you a better friend. Trustworthiness and standing up for friends is one thing, and being an enabler is another. You know your situations and you know what you're doing, so we hope you're all making good choices!
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| Have you ever helped your best friend get away with something "naughty"? |
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| If bars have approximately equal heights, then they had approximately the same number of responses. You can read the exact number of responses in the number directly above each bar. |
Another characteristic that come up a lot in the definitions of "Best Friend" was loyalty and trust. It was the idea that you could be yourself around your best friend and not have to worry. It was the idea that your best friend wouldn't ditch you for someone else.
Well, friendships come and friendships go, no matter what you want; and even if friendships fade, that doesn't mean they weren't totally worth it while they lasted. So what about your current best friend? Do you think it would change if, say, they became interested in a crush?
Most of you are confident that nothing would change and your friendship would be as strong as ever. Some of you even said that it's already happened, so you know it's true! Others aren't so sure. Here's some stuff that SmartGirls had to say on the subject:
* She might spend less time with me or talk about her boyfriend a lot, but I would be totally fine with that because I know I'd do the same if I were her.
* But it's not a bad thing.
* She wouldn't treat me differently, but she would involve him in our activities together.
* She's done it before but then apologized.
* If she gets a new romantic interest she seems to devote all her time talking about him or texting him. It's really frustrating.
* Yes, she only talks about the guy! So annoying.
* Depends. Sometimes they can do that. Yeah, I think that is normal. I did that too sometimes, but we always understand each other.
* My best friend is a boy and if he got a girlfriend, we probably wouldn't hug as much, but only out of respect for his girlfriend if she has a problem with it.
* She's already been in a romantic relationship, and nothing's changed between us.
* She can get pretty wrapped up in her relationships. Sometimes I don't see her for a while, but it's always the same when we do hang out. She doesn't change.
* We know life changes as we get older. We treat each other differently, but we still love each other.
* She has been in a romantic relationship and we still spent the same time together :)
* I don't think so. He's pretty good at multitasking and juggling friends... for a guy.
* It's already happened. She's not even in a relationship with tthis guy. She has a crush on him! She's acting different and telling me that I don't understand. All she ever talks about is this guy she likes, and it's never about us anymore. I miss her.
* No. She would never do that.
* She'd treat me the same.
* We always make time for each other. Nothing will change.
* That's how people are, but that's how we all are...
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| Would your best friend treat you differently if he/she started a romantic relationship with someone else? |
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| If one category takes up "most" of the pie, then "most" of the people who took the survey chose that category. If "a lot less" people chose a different category, then that category shows up in the pie as a smaller slice. |
Here are some things that SmartGirls had to say:
* She always smiles.
* She's a good listener and good at keeping secrets.
* We try new things together and feel comfortable.
* She's funny.
* She always makes me laugh. She has little quirks that make her so unique and special. She's smart and modest but still a lot of fun to be around.
* She always tries to get me out of my shell. She's been trying since we were in 3rd grade.
* She doesn't take things too literally and can laugh about stuff without saying "Ew, gross!" like all my other friends. We can turn almost anything into a joke.
* When I'm around he, she gives me a boost in my self esteem :)
* He supports me in everything I want to do. He encourages me when I tell him about my dreams for the future, and even though we're totally different, he can always make me laugh, even when I want to cry.
* She's really nice and she understands the divorced parents thing because hers are, too.
* She loves me like a sister.
* Everything. She doesn't take junk from other people when they make fun of her. She is a nerd (like me) but also plays sports that others would think are impossible for her to play, like hockey. Most importantly, she is always, always there.
* She is very positive. She can make the worst situation not sound that bad.
* I like that she's friendly, hard-working, has a pretty smile, always turns to me for help, and likes to talk about things we both love.
* She's so level-headed, so she always has such logical advice no matter the situation, and she's so forgiving.
* She's really fun to be around and she helps me out.
* She is very helpful and every time she makes me cry, she always wants to cheer me up again and she feels bad about what she did to me.
* She supports me and listens to me.
* She doesn't take herself too seriously.
* We have all the qualities we hate in each other.
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* She lies about some things.
* She interrupts me when we're talking on the phone. You just learn patience and wait it out :)
* She is bossy and stingy.
* Sometimes he gets preoccupied with other things when I want him to just pay attention to me.
* We always like the same boys.
* She can make me jealous on purpose sometimes.
* Sometimes she can be too weird and be totally embarrassing and truthfully I think anyone would say that about her.
* She stresses too hard, just like me.
* If you don't agree with her, she gets really mad and blames other people for it. She can sometimes act immature.
* She is very gullible.
* She can be annoying sometimes, like when she hangs around me 24/7 to talk about her petty problems.
* She's flirtatious. It gets in the way sometimes, but I love her anyways.
* She's a "good girl."
* She sometimes doesn't have a lot of confidence in herself.
* He waits until the last moment to get things done and he doesn't want to do anything unless he has to... unless it's videogames.
* Her bossy attitude. I am NOT her employee.
* She likes Taylor Swift.
* She sometimes makes me talk for her because she is scared.
* They sometimes don't take important things seriously.
* If I ever get mad at her, she doesn't drop it even if I got over it.
* She can be stubborn.
* She talks too much sometimes. I don't know if I can trust her.
* She calls me "soda pop," lol
* Sometimes they can be a bit catty, and sometimes pick on me as a joke, but I have a lower sensitivity threshhold than they do, so that's just me.
* She's a cheerleader.
* She is better at soccer than I will ever be... but so what?
* She mopes when she doesn't get her way or someone told her something insulting.
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* When we met each other, she got hit in the head with a bookshelf when trying to get up and I helped get wet papertowels to reduce the swelling and pain.
* She lied to my friend to save me. She helps me.
* She lied to me and it hurt. But the reason it stands out is because she apologized so sincerely; she didn't have to tell me about it, and I wouldn't have ever known, but she did.
* We stayed in the backyard of her beach house all night just talking.
* We met in choir class. I guess I was annoying her one day, and she kicked me. I told her, but the teacher didn't believe me. Somehow my little tattle-tale made us best friends.
* We took a stand to recycle at school!
* She sang with me when we were practicing.
* My best friend got sick. I couldn't be there for her, and I felt really bad.
* We would have wars with her brother.
* We used to go out to the beach and feed dolphins.
* We were in cheerleading together and I thought she was just a little 7th grader, but when we had our first game, I messed up and felt really embarrassed. She made me laugh by doing a really messed up cartwheel in front of everyone. It made me forget about everything and we just started laughing. I helped her up and the rest of the game went great!
* We were hanging out at my house and ended up laughing so hard we were crying!
* My ex-best friend and my ex-crush were making fun of me and my best friend, and we stood up for each other.
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We have good moments and bad moments with our Best Friends. How much do you trust your best friend?
First, we asked how well your best friend respects your feelings and your embarrassing moments. We found that most SmartGirls have had their best friends witness something shameful or embarrassing. This is an awkward situation... and your Best Friend has a lot of control over what happens next.
However, most responses say that SmartGirls' best friends don't tell others! If they did, more SmartGirls say that it wasn't a big deal anyway than the number of SmartGirls who were upset over it.
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| Has your best friend watched you do something embarrassing without telling anyone else? |
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| You can see the exact number of people who chose each category by checking the number at the top of each bar. Higher numbers indicate higher number of responses! |
Another kind of trust is with secrets. These are the things we choose for our best friends to witness. Then it's in their court: do they share the secret, or keep it safe?
38% of SmartGirls say that their friends are great at keeping secrets and never tell anyone else.
The next most popular response was that our SmartGirls just don't have secrets like that in the first place.
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| Does your best friend know your deepest, darkest secret? |
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| The tallest bars show the categories with the most responses. The lowest bars show the categories that the fewest people chose. This graph shows the percent of SmartGirls who chose each category. |
A last kind of secret is the kind that you both make up together. It's not your secret and it's not your Best Friend's secret... it's both of your secret. These secrets can be things like code languages, handshakes, dances, passwords, looks, and more!
This was split prettey evenly. Most SmartGirls either do have a secret like this already or made one before and forgot it. About 1 in 3 SmartGirls have never had a secret like this, and don't think it's important.
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| Do you and your best friend have a secret code, language, or handshake? |
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| Evenly sized pie slices show categories that had about equal numbers of responses. Larger slices show categories with more responses. |
These are some silly questions that might not have anything to do with how well you know your best friend, but we were just curious.
Do you know what your best friend is allergic to? This was pretty evenly split all three ways. 106 SmartGirls said that they know everything their Best Friend is allergic to. 95 said that they know at least some of the things, and 91 said that they have no clue.
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| Do you know what your best friend is allergic to? |
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| "Yesyes:" every last thing! "Some:" I know a few. "No:" I guess not. |
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Equal numbers of SmartGirls do know their Best Friend's mother's maiden name as don't. About 25% of SmartGirls know their mother's name at one time, but forgot it.
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| Do you know your best friend's mother's maiden name? |
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| Responses that are equal in size have similar sized pie slices. Smaller slices had fewer responses. |
Maybe one of the most common things SmartGirls said about what it means to be best friends is that you have to be able to be yourself, and your best friend will still love you anyway.
As might be expected, the vast majority of SmartGirls say that they can be themselves around their best friends and their best friends will still love them anyway.
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| Can you be yourself around your best friend? |
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| Larger pie slices had the most responses. If a slice takes up almost all of the pie, then almost all the people who took the survey chose that response. |
We all love our best friends, but sometimes it doesn't work out. We've thought about the good and the bad, and we've thought about the different things that make a friendship special.
Drawing on the experiences of SmartGirls like you, what makes a friendship end?
SmartGirls said:
* We're still friends, we just grew distance when we got into middle school.
* She lied and would tell my secrets to my other friends.
* She got a boyfriend and stopped talking to me.
* She moved away.
* She started ignoring me for a boyfriend and made fun of me for things I can't control.
* It took my until high school to discover my independence and realize she was a bully and I didn't have to have anything to do with her.
* I am more girly and she's a tomboy, and she thinks it's stupid when I paint my nails or flirt with boys.
* She moved on to another group of friends. She changed.
* She started hanging out with the wrong crowd and started getting in a lot of trouble.
* She was a replacement. When I got back with my old best friend, I kicked her to the curb.
* She accused me of stealing her stuff and the people searched me and found nothing... because I didn't take it.
* She was my best friend from high school and she only needed me for emotional support. When I needed time for myself, she became really needy. We probably weren't ever true best friends to begin with; we just had a lot in common at the time.
* She used to exclude me from conversations with other girls, so I decided we weren't best friends and now we're just good friends.
* She changed herself by ignoring me, wearing tons of make up and always talking on her cell phone. I was so heartbroken! She is not the same girl I used to know when we were little.
* She used to put me down so much I got depressed. Thankfully I found someone new who helped me get out of it.
* She lied to me.
* I moved.
* She moved.
* She was totally jealous and controlling and would get really insecure whenever I talked to someone else.
* She was never truly a good friend. She treated me awfully, but I was her friend because I was alone. I used her, but I don't even feel guilty about it because of the way she treated me.
* She went on vacation, so I played with the boys. Me and the boys became friends. When she came back, I had made plans with the boys already... all the girls turned against me and hate me now. I have been playing with the boys for years now.
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* Just be yourself! Always be truthful, and never let a boy break your friendship up.
* Don't ever tell secrets. Don't let someone boss you around. Be understanding, thoughtful, and be yourself. Stop trying to change yourself for your friends, and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks about you.
* Always be there for your friends. Never let them down. Don't talk behind their backs. Be true and always make time for you and your BFF. Tell them what you're feeling or if you have a problem. Treat them with respect!
* Everybody has opinions, so if you tell your best friend yours, she should definitely respect it.
* Let your friends have their freedom, too, if they have other friends. They should be the same to you.
* Don't bottle things up. Tell each other what's bugging you.
* Look past their flaws. Don't leave for someone "cooler."
* Have patience with each other.
* Don't be cliquey, talking about inside jokes and matching items. It's annoying to other people.
* Savor every moment with your BBF, because it might not last forever.
* Don't let distance get in the way. Email, talk on the phone, text, do something if you want your friendship to last!
* If you really want to be best friends with someone, don't give up. Sometimes others just don't realize it. If you open up and start talking about yourself, I'm sure anyone would love to be best friends with you. Be tolerant. Best friends are hard to find and you don't want to lose them.
* Forgiveness is the most important part of any true friendship. Everyone is human. They're going to mess up and even hurt you at one point or another. You have to apologize for your own mistakes and forgive theirs.
* If you have an argument, work it out. Don't wait until someone gives in.
* The worst thing in a friendship is backstabbing and spreading rumors and not being there for someone at a time they really need you. Also, lots of laughs and girly giggles have to be included!
* Be careful who you trust. When you do find your best friend, treasure them.
* Keep your head up and always smile and laugh. I guarantee it will make you a happier and better person. Don't be afraid to let people see you cry. Try to always lend a hand to people in real need of one.
* Get to know each other and see if you can relate and if you're able to talk about everything and anything, including problems in your own relationship, without any big deal or drama... it's off to a good start.
* You will fight and argue. Some best friends aren't meant to be. Don't spend your life alone. Get a best friend. You won't regret it. I promise.
* Choose wisely. Teenagers can be shallow and throw you away. Make sure you have someone who will stand by you.
* Respect each other all the time! Even if you're in a huge fight, you have to hold your tongue until you've had time to cool down.
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We asked SmartGirls to tell us their best friend's deepest darkest secret. We gave you a place to type it in...
A lot of SmartGirls were mad at us and let us know it! But we didn't actually make it so we could see what your secrets were. We're sorry that you thought that we were being really nosy.
You'll be happy to see that over 3 out of 4 SmartGirls vowed they would never tell their BFF's secret. As for the other 1 in 4 SmartGirls...
WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS SURVEY!
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| Will you tell us your best friend's deepest, darkest secret? |
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| The height of the bar shows the percentage of people who chose that category. The closer the number is to 100, the more out of the total number of people chose that response. |
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts
with us!
Please remember that all web-based polls
are not scientific because the pollsters cannot randomly select the
respondents to participate in the surveys.
All our surveys are anonymous; check out our privacy
policy. All data copyright 1996-2007.
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