There's this guy who is really sweet and smart -- which is the problem. I have a crush on him, but I'm way over-competitive! We're always competing for the top grade on tests. When he asks me how I did on something or compliments me on my work, is he just making an excuse to talk, or is my competitive nature getting in the way of a possible relationship?
submitted by Camille, age 13

It's definitely great that you both get such good grades. You already have something in common! But if you think that the competition is keeping you from a friendship or relationship, then there might be a problem. If he gets a higher grade than you, try to be happy for him. If you get a higher grade than him, don't make a big deal out of it. Congratulate him and show him that it doesn't matter who beats who. Change the subject to other things you might have in common so you can get to know more about each other than what you got on a test.
answered by SGPM Kristy, age 19

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Abused or Not?

My dad and I get into a lot of arguments. When he gets really mad, he sometimes grabs my arms firmly or hits them. He calls me dumb and says I can't do anything right. He also says things like "why do you have to be such an annoying little 'B'" and "Why can't you just leave, nobody wants you here." Am I being abused?
submitted by Elizabeth, age 14

Yes, what you describe may be abuse. In any case, it can't feel too nice for you. Find someone you can talk to and trust, such as another family member, friend, or even a friend's parent or a school counsellor.  They can give you great advice on how to deal with your father, and you'll feel much better having someone to confide in. Remember that just because your dad says something doesn't mean it's true. Whatever is on his mind or stressing him out is no excuse to treat you that way. Don't keep your feelings bottled up or wait for things to get worse. Start healing now by talking to someone who can help.

*If you think you might be being abused, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453). It's free and anonymous, and it won't show up on your phone bill.
answered by SGPM Kristy, age 19

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Fanfiction

I love to write, and I love to write fanfiction. Fanfiction is stories about celebrities or characters from books. There are many websites devoted to reading fanfiction, but some websites allow you to read fanfiction sex stories. I know that it's normal to think sexual thoughts, but I read these things A LOT. I just want to know... is it normal?
submitted by Allie, age 12

Yes, it's very normal to think these things and read about them. Some people do more than others, and some people less. Either way, as long as you still feel balanced in life, it's perfectly OK. It's all about growing up and finding things out for yourself. There are definitely worse things! Just make sure that fanfiction doesn't become a substitute for educating yourself on real safe and healthy sexual behavior. Fanfiction is fiction after all, even if it's based on real life!
answered by SGPM Kristy, age 19

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Personality Mix-Up

A boy asked me out in the beginning of the year, and I thought he was really sweet so I said yes. He gave me cute little love notes and walked me to my classes. But now... he shuts my locker and takes my books and pencils. He seems like such a jerk! What should I do?
submitted by Amy, age 12

I hate to say this, but that's what some boys are like at your age. They change like the weather and love to show off. Take notes: does he treat you differently when you're alone or when his friends are around? When you finally get some time alone, ask him why he's acting that way lately. If he has a good reason, great! You can sort it out. If he just shrugs it off or doesn't have an explanation, then maybe you need to face that being with him doesn't make you happy anymore.
answered by SGPM Kristy, age 19

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Advice on Dating

There is a boy in my grade, and I have a MEGA crush on him. He is smart, super nice, and I think he likes me back! Sometimes he casually tries to get my attention, but I don't want to tell him I like him. What if he likes someone else? He might like me friend, not me! What do I do?
submitted by anonymous, age 13

Oh, I've been in this situation! I know it can be nerve-wracking, but definitely take the risk! Sit near him when you get the chance so you can get to know each other. Who knows? Maybe when he's getting close to your friend, he's trying to get close to you. But you'll never know unless you get the courage to ask him to spend more time with you. Suggest a movie, hanging out after school, bowling, mini-golf, or something else that you know you're both into. He might be impressed by your confidence.

But there is always the possibility that he will say no, and that does hurt. You just have to accept that this is a part of life and prepare yourself, even if that means getting ready to move on. Just take it in stride and remember that there are a lot more boys out there. You want someone who is going to appreciate and like you for who you are. If it doesn't work out with this boy, try, try again until you find the one for you!

And most importantly, be yourself, and be proud of who you are!
answered by SGPM Kristy, age 19

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Sister

My sister ran away. She is getting back in touch and sending me email, and that's made me happy. we made plans to go to the movies, but my dad will have to drop me off. What will she do when she sees my dad? I don't know if this is going to work out. I just need help.
submitted by Francesca, age 9

It's between your sister and your dad what happens when they see each other. It's not fair for you to be stuck in the middle, and you should make that clear if it's putting pressure on you. If she's back in touch, that's a good sign. She may be trying to sort things out, and she obviously wants to hang out with you. Don't make her issue with your dad your problem. Just enjoy your sister's company and be happy to see her, like you both want. She'll figure things out with your dad on her own time; right now she just wants to spend time with you. How do you want to spend that time?
answered by SGPM Kristy, age 19

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Broken Friendships

One of my friends is really mean to me, and she's calling me names! We've been friends forever, and I don't know why she's acting like this. I don't know if it's real... or is she just trying to impress someone?
submitted by Z, age 12

Most friends go through something like this at some stage. It can be really hurtful, but it's part of growing up. Maybe she's under the influence of other girls that she has started hanging around. Whatever the reason is, I'm sure she hasn't suddenly changed her behavior for nothing. Talk to her when there is no one else around. Try to find out what's really going on, and make another effort to keep your friendship by hanging out for a day some weekend. Remain patient, and she'll come around when she's ready and realizes how silly she's been. Don't take it too personally. It will work out eventually. And if it doesn't, you'll know that it wasn't your fault.
answered by SGPM Kristy, age 19

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I Have A Problem...

I am so afraid to meet people face to face. I don't feel clever socially. I don't have a very brave heart. With people I like, I know I can't be perfect and I don't always know what to say. I get so nervous, I start sweating! How can I be better at this?
submitted by Xan, age 18

We all feel like this at one time or another in our lives. It's perfectly normal, so try not to worry. Nobody is perfect. All you can do is to be yourself and do your best. No one can ask anything more of you. But it's not good to put yourself down and be so hard on yourself. It's better to try to stay positive, so you feel happier. Your positive attitude will rub off on your friends and put them into a good mood, too. To start out, try joining some clubs and sharing your hobbies with others. Hobbies make a great ice-breaker. Specifically, you might want to try a drama club to come out of your shell. Another great place to look is to work for charity, where you will meet many good, kind-hearted people. When you feel nervous and you're sweating and you're in an uncomfortable situation, try to take some deep breaths, excuse yourself for a minute, and listen to some relaxing music for a minute or two. Most importantly, be yourself and trust that others will like you for who you are. You are very brave to ask for help, so feel proud of yourself. You have made the first step already!
answered by SGPM Katie, age 19

Nobody is perfect, and everyone does get a little nervous. Unfortunately, the only way you'll get better is if you practice. You have to step out of your comfort zone a little bit and get to know other people. You can't force it, though; sometimes it's just simple things that strike up an easy conversation or a friendship when you're not expecting it, such as asking to borrow a pen. Not everyone always knows what to say in a conversation, which can be awkward sometimes, especially if you don't have much in common. Ask what others are into or what music or movies they like, and I'm sure you'll find the conversation taking off from there. As you practice, you'll adjust and learn different ways to talk to people. Eventually you may not be so nervous. It just takes time -- for all of us.
answered by SGPM Kristy, age 19

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True Love?

I'm worried I won't ever find another boyfriend. I've had two relationships in the past, but they didn't work out. I'm a bit of a geek, and I don't like to be the one to ask first. Please help!
submitted by Bridget

You’re still young; there will be plenty more boys to come! Don’t worry, you’ll get another boyfriend when the time is right and you find someone right for you. Unfortunately he hasn’t shown up yet, but no need to worry, he will.  For now, just enjoy being single and make the most of it. Be patient, and when the time comes, go for it and ask the one you like out. If it doesn’t work out, try not to worry, you’ll get another shot at it again soon.
answered by SGPM Kristy, age 19

Don't worry, there are tons of guys out there! You'll find them when you're not looking. Try not to worry, because there will be plenty of opportunities for you out there, Bridget, and one of those opportunities will be the one that changes your life. Stay positive and remember there is someone for everyone, no matter what your interests are. Just be yourself, and you will find a guy who respects you for who you are. Feel proud that you've plucked up enough courage to ask for help, because that's one step in the right direction. Take that courage and join a club, meet people through your hobbies, make friends, and get to know other people. You never know where this might lead! Good luck, Bridget!
answered by SGPM Katie, age 19

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This Boy

There's a boy I like, and he acts like he likes me, too. But now this girl came along and she likes him, too! Well, I like him soo much. I don't want her to ruin this! What should I do?
submitted by Ne-Ne, age 18

I say go for it! It's time to make your move! Ask him out somewhere and spend some time with him so that you can get to know each other even better. Do something fun that you’re both into and which involves some talking time, like bowling, skating, or mini golf. If you want something that won’t cost money, just chill out at home and watch movies together. Warning: be aware that he may also spend time with this other girl and could begin to like her, too, so make sure you’re prepared for that, but keep your confidence. If he likes you already, just keep being yourself and doing what you’re already doing!
answered by SGPM Kristy, age 19

Sadly, you can't make someone like you. I know it must be frustrating. Boys can be very immature at that age. When two girls like them, their ego goes way up! Maybe you should try to be good friends with him first and get to know him better. It's good to build a friendship up gradually, and then later decide if one of you thinks friendship is best or if you want to start going out. This other girl may feel the same way you do, but it's wise not to be mean to one another or make each other feel uncomfortable over a boy. Let this boy make up his own mind on who he wants to be with. If things don't go as planned and you don't end up in a relationship, your best bet will be to move on, stay busy, focus on your schoolwork, and hang out with friends. I wish I could tell you that everything will work out, but you just need to wait to see what will happen. As for the other girl, if you can't be polite, it might be best if you just stay out of each other's way. On the other hand, have you tried getting to know her? She might turn out to be a good friend -- after all, you already have something in common, the same taste in boys! Friendship is forever, and boys come and go. Don't let a boy get in the way of a good friendship. You need your friends!
answered by SGPM Katie, age 19

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Am I Just Paranoid?

I don't know if I'm mixed up, paranoid, or just very weird. I feel like everyone is against me. They don't understand what I feel, they left me behind, my mom gets mad even when I'm not doing anything unpleasant... I always cry at night. I ask for God's help, but I don't think God is ready to lend his ears. Please help me. I'm desperate.
submitted by Sydney, age 14

Many people feel this way, and sometimes when others seem not to be there for you, they are going through their own stressful stuff. Talk about how you feel with your close friends or a different family member, or consider talking to your school counselor -- that's what they're there for. Talking will help ease the pressure, and might help you sort out your feelings best. Just remember that others aren't always aware of how what they do affects others, and sometimes telling them is the only way they can understand. Stay calm, keep your patience, and remember that there will always be someone there for you, even if it's not who you first expect.
answered by SGPM Kristy, age 19

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What Should I Do?

My BFF and I both became friends with a guy who rides our bus. Pretty soon we realized that we both have a crush on him. We decided that it would be "his choice." It became obvious that I was the one he liked, and he only ever talks to her when I'm around. So if I go out with him, we'll both lose him as a friend. So if he does ask me out, what if my BFF won't let me?
submitted by Becka, age 13

Even if it is clear that he would choose you now, be aware that things can change, and it might not even work out the way that you see it here. If he does continue to like you, it is important to remember that it will most likely hurt your friend if you go out with him, even if she "lets" you. Be careful not to lose your friendship over this! Weigh what's most important to you: being with this guy or your best friend? If you had to choose one to sit next to on the bus, who would it be, and who would care the most? Even if your friend is OK with you dating this guy and sitting next to him on the bus, keep in mind that she might not always want to hang out with both of you together. Remember to spare some time just for you and her. The best thing you can do is be open and honest with your friend about your feelings. Give her a chance to speak up, so you never have to think about going behind her back and hurting her.
answered by SGPM Kristy, age 19

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Bad Rivalry, Bad Teammates

I'm a male playing track and field for my school. I have a teammate who is really good and who I respect a lot, but I found out that he was saying things behind my back in cross country. He's being rude to me, saying mean things about the girls' team, and just acting superior to everyone in general. He thinks we have to do things his way. Should I quit the team, or fight it out?
submitted by Flash, age 16

You definitely don't have to do things his way, and if you really enjoy track and field, you shouldn't let him push you out of the team! Do you have a coach who you can talk about this with? He might be able to set the tone for how teammates should treat each other without naming any names. As for your teammate, he could be feeling insecure or he might be acting the way he thinks he is supposed to act i his position. Don't take it personally, and it's not necessary to take any kind of revenge. Just do what you would normally do and understand that you're doing this for you, not for what other people say about you, and no matter what he says, it's not going to change how much you love track and field.
answered by SGPM Kristy, age 19

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I Am Confused

I am a girl from an Indian family and there is the boy who I really like, but my family doesn't understand. They don't think it's possible for me to have strong feelings at my age, but I am serious. I really want to marry this boy. How can I make them understand?
submitted by Z, age 12

Some girls mature faster than others. In regards to wanting to settle down, being in love is a big deal. It is a natural feeling that all human beings have, craving to be loved. However, I hate to sound like an adult, but your family might be right: you are very young. You should go out, have fun, and hang out with your friends. When the time is right, you will get married, but why dwell on that now? You have years before it has to be a decision. After all that time, if you are still committed, your parents surely won't question what you have. In the end, don't worry about it so much. Don't put your life on hold. Just make sure that what you feel for this boy and what he feels for you is clear, and years from now when it becomes a more pressing issue, you can have a real conversation with your parents. However, at your age, marriage is a very serious subject. It's OK for your parents to have other priorities for you right now, like a good education, before you think about settling down. Write a list of goals you want to achieve in life, whether or not you're married. Good luck!
answered by SGPM Katie, age 19

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I Want My Best Friend Back

I met this girl named Nina in the beginning of 7th grade. She was shy, but she became more confident through my friendship. We did everything together and became really close with each other's families. In 8th grade, she started to change a lot. She became more popular, and does things I don't approve of. Now we never hang out any more. The worst thing is, this isn't the first time this has happened. This is the 4th time where I have made a shy person come out of their shell, and then they ditched me. They always leave, and I am feeling depressed. I want my old friend Nina back. What do I do?
submitted by Christina, age 13

It's amazing that you bring people out of their shell, which goes to show what a wonderful person you are! This skill will help you so much in life. However, do you really want someone who doesn't appreciate you and who does things that you don't approve of? Join some new clubs, drama clubs, or get some new hobbies. Surround yourself with new people, and get new friends who will like you for you. Finding the perfect friend isn't easy. You have to put in the work and put yourself out there again and again!
answered by SGPM Katie, age 19

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One or the Other

My boyfriend is younger than me, and I love him, but I'm digging this other dude. He really, really likes me, and I like him, but he wants me to break up with my boyfriend before we do anything physical. I've been with my boyfriend for a while. What should I do?
submitted by Jessica, age 17

I was in the same situation as you last year! This is a difficult situation where someone is going to get hurt and have their heart broken. You have to tread very carefully. If you love your boyfriend, are you sure you want to risk losing everything you have for another guy? If the talk of making love is on the table already, I would feel worried. You need to ask yourself if this mystery guy really wants to be with you because he likes you for you, or is he after just one thing? How does your other boyfriend treat you? Do you think you could easily leave him?

The ball is in your court. Remember that whichever decision you choose, you have to live with the consequences. However, if you are unhappy in this relationship and want to go with the other guy, you should do so as soon as possible. Carrying on will only break your boyfriend's heart and ruin any chance at being friends afterward. If you do choose to leave, I would suggest waiting to get into a new relationship, or at least to take things slow.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out. Good luck, and stay safe! I hope you're happy with whatever you decide. :)
answered by SGPM Kristy, age 19

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Stuck In An Endless Love Triangle

I want to date a guy, but he's taken. I love him with all my heart and would be a better girlfriend. I would risk my life for him, but he still doesn't like me! He's been with my BFF for more than two years. It breaks my heart when he wants to kiss her and gives her necklaces. It is totally unfair. How do I get him to like me back?
submitted by Alli, age 10

As you have probably learned, you can't force someone to like you. It's completely up to them who they want to be with. I know that can be hard and it can hurt, but it's something you just have to accept sometimes. If he's with your BFF, would you really want to hurt her like that by making her boyfriend like you instead? They've been together for a long time, and they obviously care about each other. Make sure you think about who you would be hurting and if it would really be worth it. It's possible that even if you managed to get them to break up, he still wouldn't want to be with you. Remember that you're still young, and there are a lot more great boys out there who will come into your life -- and won't jeopardize your friendships.
answered by SGPM Kristy, age 19

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Ugly Girl

I am ugly. I've been told so. How do I get a great guy without online dating?
submitted by some one, age 13

If someone calls you ugly, it definitely does not mean that you are! Some people can be so horrible saying things like that. They just want to break your confidence, and it works when you believe them. It's up to you to keep positive and not let their mean words get to you. Online dating can be dangerous, especially for girls your age. You're much more likely to meet a great guy in real life. Great guys walk into life when you least expect it, so you've gotta be patient about it. Be confident and happy and believe in yourself, and you'll get far.
answered by SGPM Kristy, age 19

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Worthless

I often feel worthless and alone, even though I have a lot of friends and a loving family. Sometimes I get irrititated with people and I don't know why. I used to think that cutting was weird and for losers, but now I can't seem to stop myself from doing it, and it really makes me feel better. I want to tell my parents everything that's happening to me, but I'm afraid they will be disappointed and displeased. Help! I don't know what to do.
submitted by kay, age 13

Talking will definitely help you, whether it's with your parents, friends, or a school counselor. It's important to make the people around you aware of what's going on. If they don't know, they can't help. Adults also have more life experience and counselors have training, so they might understand why you are becoming irritated and know not to take it personally. If they don't respond exactly how you want at first, give them time to sort through their feelings and let them try again. For example, what you might think is them being disappointed in you might really be disappointment with themselves for helping you earlier. It's important to have people you love there for you when you feel like this. As for cutting, try to find another way you can let your feelings out that doesn't involve harming yourself in any way. Journaling helps for some, writing poem, learning guitar and singing, and sports help others. Try lots of new things until you find what works for you. Talk to your family and friends, anyone you trust, accept their help, and stay positive.
answered by SGPM Kristy, age 19

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